So what? Now I am a bad person? Ya know what I am sick of? I am sick of sitting in a fast and storymony meeting and listing to people bitch or tell me about their ugly kids, their husbands awesome spirituality, or exhort me to heed this or that. Yeah, I JUST said that. Since when did going up to the pulpit and telling your life story qualify as a testimony? Ya know what, if you want to talk in church tell the Bishop, I am sure he can give you the hook up. That way you can have a whole 20 minutes to talk about whatever the hell you want. Why continue to subject a congregation, who is already hungy and tired, to verbal diarrhea just so you can hear yourself speak? If you want to piss and moan or tell your miraculous stories of how listening to Mr. Covey's habits changed your life then get a blog. And on top of all of that since when did not saying "amen" at the end of a rant qualify one to be looked upon as a son of perdition?? Just because you say it from the pulpit all of the sudden I am expected to slap my concurring stamp of approval on your incoherent speech with an amen? Somewhere someone is keeping track of all those "amens" we throw out as courtesy and I believe there will come a time when we will each have to account for all the times we agreed with something so pointless and stupid all because we feared scorn from our fellow people of the pew. If you want my advice, next time the young mother gets up and bawls her eyes out or the old senile woman talks about fish-assholes (true story, Jackie can vouch for me on this one) over the pulpit do what I do--utter an "and then" real fast and avoid eye contact. I seem to have found that one can decrease the scornful gaze of the so called "testifier" as they march back to their seat amongst the rank and file so long as you chime in with the rest of the half awake, totally captive audience. Try it next time and you'll see that a simple "and then" may save you a lot of guilt at the end of the day knowing full well you didn't fall into the the "amen trap" with everybody and trade your self respect for slothful conformity. AMEN.
P.S. I would have posted this Sunday night but I wanted it to boil within me for a few days so it would take full effect.
4 comments:
Allison, please make sure you pack Jason's quiet book, Testimony BINGO and cheerios next Fast and Testimony Meeting. The Nursery Leader and her husband the EQ Pres called me and asked that I pass this request along. Thank you! Oh and Sister Senile just wanted to say "Amen".
We have been trying to teach our youth (I'm in the Stake) about what a "true" testimony is. In fact, after an excellent talk on the subject right before this year's Girl's Camp (and I mean minutes before), many girls went right ahead and gave "friend"imonies. Geeze. All I can say is that I love it when, after a litany of testimonies that make you roll your eyes at church, I love it when some brave sould stands up and give the perfect "true" testimony. My "amen" is quite obvious then.
And then, Brother Fuller! Fast & test your patience meeting should not be an open reading of Chicken Soup for the Latter-day Saint Soul. If you feel compelled to share what you beleive, do it - then sit your ass back down in your seat!
AMEN!! We had to bless our poor child on a "pass out and kill yourself" meeting in which I had to bring my NON-MEMBER family to.... oh the questions of confusion had to answer to after the old woman went on and on about her oxygen tank and how the man who made more money than the other man because he was mormon never said anything about it because that must have been how Heavenly Father wanted it.... UGH!! You should read my latest post!! It is OUR families who have to teach our children to make changes... the old farts need to SCOOT DOWN!!
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