It seems that every time I leave a Sunday school class, a testimony meeting, or any other "faith" related activity in which there are more than 3 Mormons present I must search out my cocktail of a xanax and an ultram to quell the desire to hit myself in the head with a hammer to end the pain. Since I am doing all I can to not join the ranks of Mormons who nearly single handedly support the Prozac and Zoloft industry, I have to get a few things off my chest. If you cannot handle the truth, you need not read further.
1. Big Love is an entertaining show. Deal with it. Its seems to me that the same people who pass the petitions around their local ward to protest HBO are the same ones who threw a fit when Mr. Dutcher broadcast to the world via "Brigham City" a typical Mormon sacrament service. I've never seen any of my fellow Mormons go to war when a Catholic communion is broadcast over cable TV. I guess we only fight our own battles eh?
2. Joseph Smith NEVER said that if one knew what the Telestial Kingdom was like, one would kill themself to get there. This is an old chestnut of the old school Mormons and yet in all my readings I can't seem to place the quote. In fact, every person who I have asked to cite where they get this ridiculous idea suddenly draws a blank and promises to get back to me on where they "just read it". Still waiting for that to happen.
3. The phrase "Sacred not Secret"? Whatever. You and I both know that there are things we are told to keep secret. There is no shame in that. Why do we always try to play it off as "sacred" when we are not equipped to give an outsider the answer?
4. Nephite warriors do not guard the temple doors at night. That's the damn dumbest thing I have ever heard come out of Utah.
5. If you believe that when you go to heaven people will kneel at your feet and that the corridors of heaven will become hushed because you lived at the time of President Hinckley, then you're an idiot. This was a favorite quote passed around all over California when I lived there. It was read over the pulpit more than once and was attributed to everyone from Henry B. Eyring to Brigham Smith. Its a bunch of crap people. No one will bow at your feet just because you lived at a certain time in the history of the world. Get over yourself.
6. Contrary to what many in my own family believe, no grandmother of mine ever saw Cain drinking out of a gutter in Salt Lake. Seriously people.
7. You can count those who qualify to be sons of perdition on one hand. Yet another fable passed down through Mormondom to strike curiosity into our hearts and give the High Priest Group something to debate.
8. Children who are disabled were those who personally led Satan and his minions out of Heaven after the War in Heaven, Or perhaps it was them that fought on the "front lines". Huh? Now I can see how this might bring some of us a little comfort when seeking answers to why some are born with things like Down Syndrome or Cerebral Palsy. I have a little sister who has CP and you know what? there is no explanation for it. There is nothing they did or didn't do to end up with such a malady. Sometimes shit happens. Don't cheapen their struggle by justifying it with a lame excuse such as these so that the world can make sense in your head.
9. John wrote the book of Revelation, NOT the book of RevelationS! Lose the "S"! I really hate this one.
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6 comments:
You don't really know for SURE if she didn't see Cain. I won't put it in the trivia game, but, for now I will side with John T. Williams!
No but Bill Paxton saw Cain purchasing a Rockstar from the Sev in Fruita.
Whatever, my VT niece's SIL had the Three Nephites protecting her in south central LA - and this girl would not lie about it because she has, like, a really strong testimony! Seriously!
Amen to #8! Bro, one thing I have had to deal with over the last 6 months is that part of the deal each of us made in entering mortality is accepting that we are subject to natural laws. Tragedies are not part of "the plan", but accidents happen and they are a side-effect of living life.
YES!!! Thank you Jason! On behalf of all relatively sane Mormons... we thank you!
You forgot one though... Jesus drank wine folks!! Sorry! It's true!! The water was dirty and nasty and wine was safe and fermented... it was not "juice" and it was not "special drink"- it was fermented grapes!! The apostles even got drunk once in a while. And I will not make up lies for my primary kids... half the time they don't catch it anyways!!
I really like what Rallenco said. Well put.
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