And Then?????

So what? Now I am a bad person? Ya know what I am sick of? I am sick of sitting in a fast and storymony meeting and listing to people bitch or tell me about their ugly kids, their husbands awesome spirituality, or exhort me to heed this or that. Yeah, I JUST said that. Since when did going up to the pulpit and telling your life story qualify as a testimony? Ya know what, if you want to talk in church tell the Bishop, I am sure he can give you the hook up. That way you can have a whole 20 minutes to talk about whatever the hell you want. Why continue to subject a congregation, who is already hungy and tired, to verbal diarrhea just so you can hear yourself speak? If you want to piss and moan or tell your miraculous stories of how listening to Mr. Covey's habits changed your life then get a blog. And on top of all of that since when did not saying "amen" at the end of a rant qualify one to be looked upon as a son of perdition?? Just because you say it from the pulpit all of the sudden I am expected to slap my concurring stamp of approval on your incoherent speech with an amen? Somewhere someone is keeping track of all those "amens" we throw out as courtesy and I believe there will come a time when we will each have to account for all the times we agreed with something so pointless and stupid all because we feared scorn from our fellow people of the pew. If you want my advice, next time the young mother gets up and bawls her eyes out or the old senile woman talks about fish-assholes (true story, Jackie can vouch for me on this one) over the pulpit do what I do--utter an "and then" real fast and avoid eye contact. I seem to have found that one can decrease the scornful gaze of the so called "testifier" as they march back to their seat amongst the rank and file so long as you chime in with the rest of the half awake, totally captive audience. Try it next time and you'll see that a simple "and then" may save you a lot of guilt at the end of the day knowing full well you didn't fall into the the "amen trap" with everybody and trade your self respect for slothful conformity. AMEN.

P.S. I would have posted this Sunday night but I wanted it to boil within me for a few days so it would take full effect.